Het Universum
5:39 AM
i can already imagine you walking down the street of my lifelong dream and getting lost in your own thought "this is where i belong", and on the other side of the world, i will be having my time daydreaming, in the usual crowd with everyone around me, and i will think to myself, regardless, "isn't this where she belongs?" but in a real quick second my head will remind itself all the things you had said to me, every single thing i had always known, those soon-to-be-real wishes on your wall, and in that second too i will realise it is just my attempt to escape from something i could not avert, "oh my God, i just wish you were here."
i like the kind of person you are, because you do not care of what people think about you, and you are not scared of anyone, especially not the guy whom everyone else is scared of. we got closer and closer each day, found out every little thing in common which we had no idea would matter so much. every day was spent in such a friendly ease. we laughed away our hard times, even in the precarious ones, we still did anyway.
it was countless, times where i spent my empty days in the land of yours, without even showing a sign of considering, you always welcomed me in any time. if the walls and ceiling of your room ever had a trick of recording our voices spoken of words in our real honesty, we could sit ourselves down throughout the whole day listening to our dreams dissolving into the higher level of sky, like they wanted us to reach for them, they were always going to get higher than ever that we both knew we would not be able to reach them no more yet we still blew them all the way up because we felt like it was impossible to make it on our own, but we realised we could collide our lives and go on together to give ourselves a better chance.
we shared all the good and the bad things, we started creating the bond which surely got stronger every time we talked, we had this feeling of having each other. well, at least, i did. we put so much faith in each other, we both were in the same perceptivity and not a single doubt was ever expressed concerning the authenticity of stories. i let my anger released from the latent part of me, i devoted all my feelings i had been keeping on my own because i knew a best friend was that safe kind of well where i could throw everything down into. a best friend, you were one of mine.
..but as the days grew into weeks, and weeks grew into months, everything started fading away, the strong bond that intertwines us loosened, and the secrets towering over our heads enhancing. everything started changing in a way that was never supposed to happen. i was entirely disoriented, i had lost a sight on where i should have been. i walked up every corner in the room and down the hallways looking for someone i was not sure i could rely on, meanwhile i never let myself to glance at what was just inches away from my eyes.
it was countless, times where i spent my empty days in the land of yours, without even showing a sign of considering, you always welcomed me in any time. if the walls and ceiling of your room ever had a trick of recording our voices spoken of words in our real honesty, we could sit ourselves down throughout the whole day listening to our dreams dissolving into the higher level of sky, like they wanted us to reach for them, they were always going to get higher than ever that we both knew we would not be able to reach them no more yet we still blew them all the way up because we felt like it was impossible to make it on our own, but we realised we could collide our lives and go on together to give ourselves a better chance.
we shared all the good and the bad things, we started creating the bond which surely got stronger every time we talked, we had this feeling of having each other. well, at least, i did. we put so much faith in each other, we both were in the same perceptivity and not a single doubt was ever expressed concerning the authenticity of stories. i let my anger released from the latent part of me, i devoted all my feelings i had been keeping on my own because i knew a best friend was that safe kind of well where i could throw everything down into. a best friend, you were one of mine.
..but as the days grew into weeks, and weeks grew into months, everything started fading away, the strong bond that intertwines us loosened, and the secrets towering over our heads enhancing. everything started changing in a way that was never supposed to happen. i was entirely disoriented, i had lost a sight on where i should have been. i walked up every corner in the room and down the hallways looking for someone i was not sure i could rely on, meanwhile i never let myself to glance at what was just inches away from my eyes.
maybe i was not aware i was such a person who deserved to be condemned, i should have just punished myself with the worst thing ever but now, if you want to push me right from the highest cliff in the world, i will sincerely not mind. because now i understand why you have been feeling sad, why you preferred to be alone and pass the time all by yourself even though you knew we were there, and the most heartbreakingly important, why you felt like you did not have best friends.
i am sorry.
i am sorry for everything that happened the last few months, i am sorry i am such a bastard, i am sorry i have failed to be a best friend, i do not think i deserve to be called one after all. i am sorry i let you replace my position with someone else, i know i should not. i let it all gone in the wrong way. it only hurts now to realise how all the guaranteed time i could spend well with you, has flown. and you passed it with anyone else. but at some point, i am glad, because anyone, was much better than i was.
it really was not your fault. if there should have been anyone to blame then it was me, or, at least, selfish version of me. i might know how to fix everything that had gone wrong, but your heart might be too fragile to mend, and i might be too ashamed to even face you. i was sorry, and so i am now. i'm leaving it now, wishing this great wall of dispute between us will collapse in a matter of time.
yours faithfully.
it really was not your fault. if there should have been anyone to blame then it was me, or, at least, selfish version of me. i might know how to fix everything that had gone wrong, but your heart might be too fragile to mend, and i might be too ashamed to even face you. i was sorry, and so i am now. i'm leaving it now, wishing this great wall of dispute between us will collapse in a matter of time.
yours faithfully.
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