To You

what a great chance it was to get to know you.


i never had a single hint about your existence before, never cared too, not until a feeling stroke in. first secret with an urge of keeping, you. i went through days like nothing about you mattered. staring out at the little spark of dream from the distance i had insisted myself to keep. just like that, not caring at all on the outside, until the day we both started calling names. which made everything better, closer, and from that moment, i didn't realise i was raising my hopes up.

i kind of think you had been aware of something different in me, because it did seem weird to talk like a friend to you but a stranger in front of everybody else. it was weird. it was strange. it looked like we were so close even though we were not. but it was hard on my side, because i never felt such ignorance. you were fuss for once but then you were silence the other day, like my hovering words that were never caught by the half quarter of your wings, you flew past me just as fluent as i was standing still. however, it was funny, our talking. and in that moment, in between the good share of honest words, i was happy. sadly it did not seem to last longer than our small talks in the far end of the hallway. recalling that day when you talked to me first, it became the last good talk between us right before i went away.

then all of a sudden everything just changed. as simple as this ability for me to put the word just in. you were not the same anymore, you were not someone i knew last week. we stopped calling each other names. where did the last version of you go? how could you change just within a couple of days? why did we have to turn out like that? i guess i will never find out. i thought i knew you. i was wrong. i was angry. i did not know what for. i was angry being in that situation, with everything, with you getting away from me and getting closer to someone else.

it felt like i was put in a betrayal, even though i had nothing to defend. i did not have the right to be angry, though, i was never in concrete possession of you. i was sad, i threw out words which seemed like screaming as if they would ever be heard. i hid there behind the bushes of infirmity, close, close enough to watch you draw vivid, splendent lines a stride away from my vague sketches. but then again, i could not be angry, letting my thoughts vanished under the strong radiance of the sun into the deepest part of the sea of truths,
was the least i could do.

to you,
you were the one i would save my time for if the quietest part of the night passed you in solitude,
you were the bright patch of sky outside the window pane i would stare at for a long time,
you were the afterthought from day that would haunt me in the night,
you, i had you in the back of my mind.

and i could comprehend myself for using past tense, i finally had all those perfect ideas of you gone from my brain, and i have been sober i have erased the reminiscence myself, i have lost so much for something i later know did not worth my struggle, and the worst part is that i had given my sincerity to someone who would only fool it away. you were a good thing, indeed, like sunlight passing through the gap in tip of trees brighten up the forest, you were like a slight of happiness within the gloomy times. but if i ever had the chance to trade anything with yesterday, i would not bother myself to sacrifice a drop of water.





















i'm over you now.