i have gone through years of standing upon the land of confidence i took after myself, i was deep in thought about holding a diamond covered by the sea of sand, my head hijacked by the thought of holding on to the right thing when apparently and may soon be actually, it may be the thing preventing me from seeing the real side of it.
it might be the thing that had been the clouds hiding my eyes from the sun, or i might just choose not to look through it, or i might be just stuck in between.
i have gone through years ignoring, never listening, looking away, walking straight, how much of a master of such a selfish gene i was, in the weakest part of my head there grew a consolation that became firmer in every second flown. i have gone through years of living under my own justification of something that seems right in my perception, i have screamed loud enough just to get empty echoes, i have run fast enough to find myself lost in the back of the line. none of the words addressed to me has ever made an inch of my force, my persistence born as a compensation for my own grief. so many true selves i have missed in my calculation, so many clear thoughts i have passed across without considering.
~
now, everything looks so vague in my sight, nothing appears as obvious as a drop of water in the desert, nor a tree in the pasture. it seems like i’m leaving my only piece of paper blank, and there’s a part in my heart — a part in which conviction survives all along, where i am, in complete sovereignty, the winner of my own contemplation — that has been left vacant, stuck within riot deep inside my mind. it is hard for me to keep my consciousness straight, and it is even harder for my cognition to prevail over my desire.
i am in a ship headed nowhere,
i have gone through years of being fine upon a lie i weave to myself. i am a wrong within all the rights, i am a crime leaving good deeds covered up, split up, buried down, by such a discernible fault i am, they all sink. i am a clock ticking too many times in front of an intersection, with ways i can never imagine, with continuance i am too scared of facing, with an uncertain chance for me to declare triumph walking by my side along the road. the sustainable steps taken sound like another complement to my indescribable vocation.
..but, not even for a second now, will i swim deep into hesitation, not even a single spark will get in the way of what might be my spectrum of confidence. to sail alone in the width of such an endless sea of obvious nescience, is not a thing you would have a glimpse in your mind, to live alone in the world of obscurity is a thing you wish would never cross your head in the wake of the day, nor cross your stars in the wake of the moon.
like the sun that rises at the end of the ocean, a light that appears at the end of a cave, i have seen a clue beyond all the messes my head has made to date, it may not be a handful, but enough to lead a way for me to catch a sight on the other face of the world.
i am now the winner of my own fear.
i am now the winner of my own fear.
